Kalde Så Kalde

In which death comes to collect early. Arielle once called Mother of Beasts, is now Mother of None. The silence in her abode is deafening, punctuated by the last remnants of shock leaving her mind entirely. Her mind wonders and little gets done, but somehow some leaps in progress had been made this week.

Bowie never regained the ability to use his back legs. What's worse, with his back and herniated disks were causing unmeasurable amounts of pain. He would have to be on hard painkillers for the rest of his life, living in a realm of oscillating states of being half or completely unconscious. We first tried to find an adoption that would be able to take him in, which turned up nothing. We tried a purebred Pembroke rescue, but they refused to take him in, on the grounds that he was much more of an "American Corgi". Same thing happened with the Cardigan Rescue. Normal Rescues are so full to bursting, they could not entertain the idea. We had hoped one would take him in, and possibly pay for his much-needed surgery, but it was not to be. Ultimately, that left us with only one option.

It's the hardest choice I've had to make in my entire life...the choice to put my son to sleep. As I sung to him, he settled down in my arms. I told him that he had been my son, that I loved him more than anything else. Then it was over, my despair complete.

RIP Bowie Blackstar - my constant companion, the light of my life, my son.

~

Tuesday marked 1 week since Bowie has passed, and also was the day I realized the shock of his passing had finally lifted. It has been difficult, and the mask has practically been welded to my face. There have been moments of disassociation and even auditory hallucinations of his nails on the wood floor. I'm not sick, but I'm certainly unwell.

I am, however, trying. I hope you will excuse my lack of lengthy explanation of what I managed to accomplish this one week I was here...my heart is like a dead weight and horribly distracting.

Discord's Whiteboard with friends...There was a battle for space...because SOME PEOPLE (I'm looking at you Kairi and Camillo) were hellbent on doing collages...so I began trying to draw to keep them from expanding.... only worked a little though, but I did end up really liking this little guy...

Thursday was Blue Hair Project Day, and I managed to finish up the Treeline concepts and expected scale. I also helped a tiny bit with throwing out ideas for a sci-fi looking floor tile. That night I moved on to playing with brushes to see what could help make convincing grassland, I found some options...

Then I played a little more and liked the results....at around 1:30 AM....

I'm mildly stumped on what to do for the following two-week period. Well, technically I know I'll be working on Blue Hair stuff, but understandably the deep well of sadness I'm currently descending into makes it hard to be excited about anything or to feel motivated to do anything. We shall just see what the coming weeks bring us.